Sista interviewed for a job as our staff photographer, but her pleasant manner and skin color made her the perfect candidate for our receptionist instead. In addition to fielding calls from the lunatic fringe that comprises our audience, Sista also answers all our fan mail. Here is a typical letter that she receives:

Dear Sista,

When I was 21, I told my black girlfriend I loved her all the time, always saw her whenever I could, and always did things to please her. But she would always insult me, make fun of my “little white prick,” and treated me with little respect overall. A few times, I lost it and began treating her with total authority and viciousness, to which she responded like a cuddly puppy. These were the times she told me she loved me and offered to pay for meals and other things we did together. I thought her response was something pathological, and I would revert to my old ways only to have her go back to her old ways of treating me.

Looking back, I see now the importance of being in control of your black woman and never allowing her to rule you in any sort of manner. So my question is, will the nipple clamps continue to keep her in line, or will she soon grow bored with them? What sort of electronic alternatives do you recommend?

Willie Weston
Baton Rouge, LA

To enjoy Sista’s even-tempered response to this letter-writer and her subsequent condemnation of him to the seventh circle of hell, pick up the second issue of Moist—on sale soon!

If you have a stupid question of your own, please submit to Sista by clicking here.